Dear friends,
There’s uplift in my heart as I write to you, it has been a while! I’ve returned from a period of personal retreat where I’ve been mainly practising with, comfort (and discomfort).
There were moments of stronger turbulence where I’d notice the urge to reach for comfort; my emergency chocolate stash, a quick scroll, befriending the cows next door…
I realised I’ve been kidding myself believing that because I live a simple life, that means I’m good at letting go (not owning an air fryer in the current climate means I’m not attached worldly materials, no?). Yet within this life I ensure comfort is always around; choosing which projects to engage with, who to work with, where to live. When there’s more challenging discomfort I can self-soothe with the usual suspects; my favourite food, walk, people. These things are not ‘bad’, but like anyone, sometimes I fall into the trap of always trying to comfort myself which, leads to a dependency (I noticed thoughts such as ‘I need xyz!’ as if there was no other choice)… And one that ultimately feels like a trap.
On retreat I had an opportunity to play; what if I didn’t pick up my phone/chocolate/[insert distraction here], and instead sat with whatever difficulty I was feeling with a kind spacious awareness? When I did, I noticed how feelings would arise, spend some time, then cease in their own time. Nothing I needed to do. It felt wonderfully freeing.
Pleasure is a beautiful part of human life – we can be nourished by the things that uplift our heart and spirit. What I’m speaking about is the clinging to, the constantly seeking, that can lead us into trouble. How can we remember our agency whilst we allow in life’s pleasures?
A retreatant last month shared with me (and now with you with permission);
“Before coming I was so afraid to be alone with my mind, of being bored – I always need to be doing something. Being able to sit quietly with my mind, not being driven into always distracting myself out of fear, has been an amazing gift I didn’t think possible.”
This is part of what we hope we’re offering to you – an inner fearlessness that you can continue to sustain off-retreat. We spend time with practices to build a sense of inner resource, and a way to befriend the mind, and to notice the moments we have a choice to respond rather than react. All amongst a sense of togetherness and care.
If any of this speaks to you, you’d be so very welcome to join us on one of our retreats this coming year. If you’re interested in the teachings which inform my reflections, you may be interested in the donation-based 6 Week course Ethan is offering online this October on the Buddha’s teachings.
With love
Lucy
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