Based on the teachings of Chris Germer (founder of the Mindful Self-Compassion programme):
3 key paradoxes that we understand when we look at shame through the eyes of compassion:
1) Shame feels blameworthy but it is an innocent emotion. It stems from the universal wish to be loved.
2) Shame feels isolating, but it is actually a universal emotion.
3) Shame feels old and all-encompassing, but is transient and represents a burden of only part of us.
When shame arises, a negative core belief may surface (e.g. "I'm not good enough", "I'm a bad person" etc) - there are only a handful that exist in the world so if you experience one of these, so do about a billion other people in the world. You can tailor a lovingkindness phrase to directly start transforming this belief e.g. "May I know I am good enough." or "May I learn to trust in my goodness."
Also note that people are more likely to experience shame if they have an identity or identities that are marginalised or oppressed by mainstream culture (e.g., race, ethnicity, gender identity, faith, sexuality, body image) (Bessenoff & Snow, 2006) - in these cases it may be helpful to ask 'whose shame is this really?' and recognise that it has been internalised from the external culture rather than an inherent occurrence.
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